H3 Hotel Paulista: São Paulo's Chicest Escape (Luxury Awaits!)
H3 Hotel Paulista: São Paulo – My (Sometimes Chaotic) Escape (Luxury Awaits…Maybe?)
Okay, folks, buckle up, because I just got back from a whirlwind stay at the H3 Hotel Paulista in São Paulo, and, let's be honest, my brain is still trying to process it all. This place bills itself as the chicest escape in the city, and, well… let's just say it's complicated. Prepare for a brutally honest, sometimes rambling, and hopefully hilarious breakdown of my experience. Warning: I swear a little, and I’m probably going to forget some stuff. This is my truth, and it's not always pretty.
Accessibility? That's the First Hurdle…
Let’s start with the practical stuff, because for some, it’s essential. Accessibility is a mixed bag. They claim to have facilities for disabled guests, but I didn't personally investigate every nook and cranny, so I can't give you a definitive "yes" or "no." It's probably best to call ahead and grill them on specifics, especially if you need a wheelchair or have other mobility concerns. They do have an elevator, which is a good start. The car park [on-site] is available to guests for free, which is great if you've driven.
On-Site Indulgences (and the Occasional Snag)
Now for the good stuff. On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: I didn’t check if every single one was literally wheelchair-accessible, I mean, I'm not even really sure what "completely accessible" means in a restaurant. Probably best to ask if that’s essential for you – because let's be real, no one likes to get stuck.
The pool with a view was stunning. Like, seriously, jaw-dropping. I'd spend an hour just staring out to the city on a clear day and think about all the things I should be doing but instead feel completely unproductive and happy. I should add that the swimming pool [outdoor] is gorgeous. Unfortunately, I'm a terrible swimmer and almost drowned (kidding! Mostly) so the beauty was somewhat lost on me. The sauna and steamroom? Divine. Pure, sweaty bliss. I spent way too much time in them, emerging red-faced and ready to embrace the chaos of São Paulo. The Spa/sauna area was beautiful, if a little cramped, and I never saw the Body wrap or Foot bath options.
The Spa & the Struggle I was there for the whole wellness thing. The Spa itself was an experience. I got a Massage and, oh man, it was incredible. The masseuse was ridiculously skilled, hitting knots I didn't know I had. Honestly, I think I fell asleep and woke up a different person. However, the Body scrub experience was slightly less stellar. Picture this: me, lying on a cold table, being exfoliated to within an inch of my life. By the time I was done I just decided to skip the shower and the Body wrap, because who needed it after all of that? This did a lot, the fitness center was good (didn't go - oops) and the gym/fitness offered me the same thing.
Food, Glorious Food (with Quirks)
Okay, the food situation at H3 is COMPLEX. There's a restaurant, several restaurants, a coffee shop, a snack bar and a poolside bar, all offering an array of options.
The Breakfast [buffet] was pretty good - lots of options, including, to my surprise, Asian breakfast. I opted for the Western breakfast as the only choice I really knew how to handle. Then the Asian cuisine in a restaurant was actually pretty good and I went back for more, which was delightful. The Breakfast in room was also available although I never even thought to order it. The Breakfast takeaway service was a nice touch, perfect for those mornings when you're running late (which, let's be honest, was often the case for me).
One night, I had dinner at the main Restaurant. The International cuisine in a restaurant was nice, the décor was gorgeous. I ordered the soup, which was pretty good.. The soup in a restaurant was a delight.I grabbed a delicious bottle of water which I highly appreciated. Then the Happy hour and the Desserts in restaurant were great.
The Room: My Temporary Sanctuary (Mostly)
My room (a non-smoking one, thank God) was pretty darn swanky. Let's go through the room's features: Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, On-demand movies,Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens. It had everything. Now for the quirks: the bathrobes… they were HUGE. I felt like I was wearing a tent. The blackout curtains were amazing for sleeping off jet lag (and, ahem, the occasional late night). The extra long bed was a lifesaver for my six-foot-something frame. I wanted to get the room service [24-hour] but, well… I never got around to it. The satellite/cable channels were excellent.
It was pretty good overall. I think I'll take the room again.
Cleanliness & Safety: The Modern Era (with a Few Caveats)
H3 seems to take Cleanliness and safety seriously. They use Anti-viral cleaning products, have a Doctor/nurse on call (thank god, because I thought I was getting sick), provide a First aid kit, and offer Hand sanitizer everywhere. The Daily disinfection in common areas gave me peace of mind. The Rooms sanitized between stays are a must. The Staff trained in safety protocol seemed genuinely concerned. The Safe dining setup was appreciated. Hygiene certification is always a good sign. However, I'm always skeptical about the whole "sterile" thing. As someone who has spent a lot of time in hospitals and doctors' offices I have noticed that Sterilizing equipment isn't always perfect. Physical distancing of at least 1 meter was mostly upheld, but in the crowded breakfast buffet, it was a bit of a free-for-all sometimes.
Services & Conveniences: A Mixed Bag, Really
The hotel offers all the usual suspects regarding Services and conveniences: Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center. Then you have the Babysitting service (didn't need it!), and the Family/child friendly factor (seemed fine, but I didn't go there, either). Then there were the kids facilities and kids meal.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Culinary Adventure (Sometimes)
The Bar was a fun place to unwind after a day of exploring. The Poolside bar was great for enjoying the sun. I loved the Coffee/tea in restaurant, and spent a few hours just enjoying it. The Salad in restaurant wasn't my kind of thing but there were other delights to grab!
Getting Around: Easy Peasy… Mostly
Getting to and from the hotel was relatively painless. They offer Airport transfer, and Taxi service. The Car park [free of charge] was a major bonus (though honestly, I mostly used taxis). The Car park [on-site] was convenient. They have Bicycle parking, which I didn't use. They also have a Car power charging station, which is good for the environment. The Valet parking was nice, and I used it once or twice when I just wanted to get in and out.
For the Kids…and the (Sometimes Childish) Adults
This category wasn't really my focus, but the hotel seems to cater to families. There are Babysitting service, Family/child friendly amenities, Kids facilities and a Kids meal.
Internet: Connected (When It Worked)
Free **Wi
Granada's Hidden Gem: Hostal Nevot - Your Perfect Stay Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your average travel itinerary. This is my planned, and potentially disastrous, assault on São Paulo, with H3 Hotel Paulista as my alleged base of operations. Consider this a warning.
The (Maybe) Glorious São Paulo Debacle: An Itinerary for the Emotionally Unstable
Day 1: Arrival – "Lost in Translation, Found in Caipirinhas"
- 8:00 AM (…Or Whenever I Actually Wake Up): Okay, flight was… a flight. Let's just leave it there. Touch down at Guarulhos Airport (GRU). God help me find the transfer to the H3. I've heard horror stories about the traffic. Please, Brazilian traffic gods, be kind. (I bribe them with a silent prayer for a smooth Uber ride).
- 9:30 AM (Hopefully): Arrive at H3 Hotel Paulista. Check-in. Pray my room isn’t directly next to the ice machine. And pray the air conditioning is working. Because, you know, sweaty tourist vibes are never a good look.
- 10:00 AM (Ish): Room inspection! Gotta make sure there’s no lurking mold, demonic spirits, or questionable stains. (Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic, but you never know). Unpack. Immediately mess up the bed. Embrace the chaos.
- 11:00 AM: The Paulista Avenue Pilgrimage (and Immediate Regret): Time to hit the legendary Paulista Avenue. Tourist trap central, I know, but gotta do it. Google Maps is my god now. Prepare for sensory overload. Architecture, street performers, and the overwhelming scent of… something. (Probably delicious).
- 12:30 PM: Lunch – or More Like, Survival: Find a local "boteco." Order something I think I can eat. Probably mess up the Portuguese and end up with a plate of grilled… I don't even know. But hey, adventure! (And hopefully, no food poisoning).
- 2:00 PM: Shopping Panic (or, The Art of Window Shopping): Cruise through the shops on Paulista. Look at things. Pretend I can afford anything other than a postcard. Resist the urge to buy a ridiculously oversized hat. (Too late).
- 4:00 PM: MASP (Museum of Art of São Paulo): The floating art? Iconic. Pray I don’t accidentally knock anything over. (My butterfingers are legendary). I'm going to spend a solid hour just staring at the canvases, pretending to understand art.
- 6:00 PM: Sunset Serenade (and Possibly Meltdown): Find a rooftop bar (they said one was near the hotel). Cocktails. Watch the sunset. Try not to burst into tears of joy/exhaustion. Then? Let the caipirinhas flow. Maybe…just maybe…I'll achieve a state of blissful content.
- 8:00 PM: Dinner – The Eternal Quest for Edible Food: Find another boteco. This time, armed with a slightly better grasp of Portuguese (or at least, I'll try). Maybe some pão de queijo? Or something vaguely resembling food. Survive. Thrive.
- 9:30 PM: Bedtime (Yeah Right): Collapse in a heap. Scroll through Instagram, feeling a mixture of awe and envy. Probably regret eating that mystery meat. Contemplate ordering room service. Probably fall asleep watching Brazilian soap operas in Portugues (I don't understand anything, but it's comforting).
Day 2: Culture Shock, Coffee, and Existential Dread
- 8:00 AM (Maybe): Wake up. Curse the sun.
- 9:00 AM: Coffee Run - the Caffeine is Crucial: Discover the local coffee scene near the hotel. Find a good cup of coffee. Embrace the caffeine. I mean, I'm going to need it.
- 10:00 AM: The Ibirapuera Park Odyssey: This park is huge, I hear. Take a deep breath, lace up my (worn-out) sneakers, and prepare for a scenic walk. Get lost. Take a million photos. Probably fall into a fountain. This is the price of good shots. Think of the likes on Instagram.
- 12:30 PM: Lunch – The Great Food Experiment, Part Deux: Explore the surrounding neighborhood around Ibirapuera Park. Find a restaurant, again. Maybe try feijoada (black bean stew). Maybe not. (I'm easily intimidated by large portions).
- 2:00 PM: Exploring Vila Madalena - The Art of Getting Lost (Again!): Vila Madalena is supposed to be the artsy district. Climb those hills, navigate the street art, and try not to trip over anything. Wander aimlessly. Get delightfully lost. Become one with the bohemian vibes (or, you know, pretend to). The murals are going to be insane. Insta-worthy, for sure.
- 4:00 PM: Coffee break in Vila Madalena (because obviously): Find a cute café. Sip coffee, and soak up the atmosphere. Journal. People-watch. Seriously consider quitting my job and becoming a street artist. (Probably not).
- 6:00 PM: The Mercado Municipal de São Paulo (And My Stomach's Revolt): This is supposed to be amazing. A chaotic symphony of sights, smells, and sounds…and a potential stomach bomb. Try not to get overwhelmed. Sample everything! (But maybe, you know, be cautious). Consider trying the mortadella sandwich. (Or chicken salad, it's less likely to bite me).
- 8:00 PM: Dinner – The Last Meal (or at least, until tomorrow): Find somewhere. Anything. I. Am. Hungry. Find the best food. Consider eating a whole pizza by myself and judging nobody.
- 9:30 PM: Sleep (or YouTube binging): Exhausted. Collapse. Regret all life choices. Watch Brazilian reality TV until I pass out.
Day 3: Farewell (and the Lingering Question of if I Survived)
- 8:00 AM (God Willing): Wake up.
- 9:00 AM: Last-Minute Souvenir Scramble (and Panic): Buy all the things. Embrace the chaos of last-minute shopping. Find some trinkets. Or some chocolate. Or anything that reminds me of this absolute whirlwind of a trip.
- 10:00 AM: One Last Paulista Avenue Stroll (Just to Say Goodbye): One final glance at the Avenue. A bittersweet farewell.
- 11:00 AM: Breakfast (or a Quick "I Survived São Paulo" Meal): Go find a bakery. Buy all the carbs. I deserve this.
- 12:00 PM: Check Out (and a Sigh of Relief): Check out of H3. Hug the front desk (maybe). Thank the staff for not calling security on me.
- 1:00 PM: Head to GRU (And Pray for Smooth Sailing): Get to the airport. Pray for no delays. Pray for no lost luggage.
- 4:00 PM: (or Flight time): Reflect on the madness. Wonder if I actually enjoyed the chaos. Start planning my next trip (probably to somewhere less…intense).
- Final Thought: Sao Paulo, you crazy, beautiful, chaotic mess. I'll be back. I think. Maybe.
So... What *is* this whole FAQ thing anyway? Besides a total headache to write, I mean.
Ugh, alright. Let's get this over with. Think of it as a giant, awkward Q&A session. People ask questions, and I... well, *I* give answers. Ideally, helpful ones. Hopefully. Sometimes. Honestly, writing these things makes me feel like I'm back in high school trying to explain algebra to a brick wall. But here we are! We're tackling whatever the heck *this* is supposed to be, whether it's useful or not. My gut says... probably not. But let's give it a whirl. (Deep breath.)
Why are you making this FAQ? Is there some grand, world-saving purpose?
World-saving? HA! My purpose in life is currently to avoid folding laundry. So, no. There's no grand scheme. I'm doing this... because I was *told* to. Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. I'm doing it (sigh) because it's a thing someone somewhere wants and I get paid to do things. And also because, sometimes, I think it's kinda, sorta, maybe a little bit fun to ramble on about stuff. Don't judge me! We all have our weird hobbies. Mine just happens to involve spilling my thoughts onto the internet. Consider this the digital equivalent of a therapy session… except way cheaper.
How do I figure out what to ask you? I am so lost right now!
Okay, deep breaths. I'm just as lost as you are here, which is saying *something*. Just... ask whatever pops into your head. Seriously. Anything. Want to know my least favorite type of cheese? Go for it. What's the meaning of life? Hit me with it! (Spoiler alert: I haven't figured that one out yet. Still working on it.) Just try to keep it (relatively) clean. And maybe, *maybe*, try to keep the questions on topic, or I'll wander off on another tangent about the emotional baggage I carry from my childhood. Which, admittedly, might get me into trouble.
What about all the instructions? Can I not follow instructions?
Oh, you want instructions? Haha. Well, first, take a deep, cleansing breath. Then... Okay, I got nothin'. My personal experience with instructions is that they're, well, *suggestive*. Like those "expert" assembly diagrams from IKEA. I swear, I once spent three hours fighting with a bookshelf, only to discover I'd attached the back panel upside down. Facepalm. So, yeah, follow them if you want, or don't. Maybe you'll end up with something amazing. Or maybe you'll have a leaning tower of something-or-other. Either way, blame me. I can take it. (Mostly.)
What are the "minor categories" you mentioned? Are they important?
Minor categories? Oh, those little guys? They're the things I’m deliberately skipping over, because, honestly, I'm already dreading this whole thing. It's like choosing between getting a root canal or doing taxes... no, wait, it's even worse than that, because *I* have to create them! The goalposts shift every second.
Tell me about a time it all went wrong, and how you dealt with it!
Alright, buckle up, because this is where we get real. There's a memory that still feels like a raw nerve nearly a decade later. I was working on this... *thing*... a project. Let's just call it a "digital art piece". I poured, like, weeks into this stupid thing. I was up all night, fueled by instant coffee and the delusion that I was actually creating art. I was so proud, so sure I was about to unleash glorious art for the ages! I even started thinking about my acceptance speech for the Turner Prize (yeah, I know). Then, the day came. The day to show it off. A virtual "gallery" I'd slaved over. Invited all this people... and then... CRASH. The entire website crashed. Gone. Poof. All the hours, the effort, the instant coffee… all gone. I was standing there, staring at a blank browser window, my heart doing a tap dance of humiliation. I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. I remember, I just stood there, dumbfounded, and then, my reaction? I did the bravest thing I could. I went outside. I sat on the grass for an hour, hating everything. Then I went back inside, poured myself the largest glass of wine I had, and then promptly spilled it all over my project file. And then I tried to laugh, because, what else was i supposed to do? Try again, probably. The world didn't end. And honestly? The disaster gave me a weird, warped appreciation for the fleeting nature of things. Sometimes, you just have to learn to laugh, even when everything falls apart.
So, am I allowed to have opinions or ask things in a different order?
Opinions? Please! You *have* to have opinions! That’s the whole fun! And asking things in whatever order makes the most sense to you? YES. Because, again, I'm winging it. I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm just here, trying to create a FAQ page with all these crazy requirements, it's utterly ridiculous! So go for it! And if you disagree with me – brilliant! Tell me why! Let’s have a proper argument. Bring it on. I'm probably wrong anyway.
What about this whole "stream of consciousness" thing? Is this supposed to be like… a therapy session?
Listen, I'm not a therapist. Though, frankly, after this, I might need one. The stream of consciousness thing? Think of it as my brain vomiting onto the page. No filter. No structure. Just… whatever pops into my head. It's messy. It's chaotic. It might make no sense. But hey, at least it's *authentic*. You're getting the unfiltered me with all my glorious imperfections. And if that's not therapeutic for you, then, well... I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe therapy? Probably. (We should all probably get some therapy, am I right?).
Do you even *like* doing this? Be honest!
